Hi everyone, it’s a brand new week in 2017. I wanted to write about something I’ve truly been hesitant about for awhile now. Finding My Tribe i.e. a group of people that includes family and friends that have the same interest, customs, beliefs, and support. Bear with me here while I explain…
See as an only child, I grew up with a lot of insecurities. I spent a lot of quiet time playing by myself when I was little, I never had a problem finding friends but I had a problem finding the right friends… you know the ones that actually love and support you, the ones that have your best interest at heart, the ones that looked out for you and didn’t want to see you hurt. Yes, those are the friends I wanted. Same with family, I have an unusual amount of cousins on my mother’s side of the family… my grandmother had 20 children (yes, you read that right) so last time I checked I had over 108 cousins on my mother side of the family and on my dad’s side I have 9 first cousins. Why do I mention this? Because as far as family goes, I considered my family close (both sides) but something was always missing just like finding the right friends.
As I became an adult, I learned very quickly that I had more in common with older people… some of my closest friends were 10 years older than me, and we had so much to talk about regardless of the age gap. At the end of the day though sometimes when times were tough, I couldn’t call on any of those friends.
I don’t know what it is, was it me? Was I looking for something that was missing within me? Did I lack in something others wanted but they couldn’t see it in me?
Don’t get me started on the numerous times I felt left out or shut out on purpose! My soul pleaded with me that I didn’t need anyone, but in my head, I realized that this was how life is… grow up and get over it. The funny thing is those experiences never leave. I know the best thing to do sometimes is to forget and forgive, but it’s not in my nature. Every single instance of feeling like I wasn’t worthy enough, feeling dismissed and feeling like I don’t belong is still with me. I call it my dark place and I tend to visit it every time I experience hurt. I guess that’s why support and loyalty are big with me… I don’t expect it now, I’ve learned to demand it with the people in my life.
This isn’t a sad soapbox definition of my life, I am so much more than what you just read. I am funny, nurturing and tough… but see sometimes a girl has to know who and where to go for support. She shouldn’t have to go search for her tribe with a flashlight when she’s in darkness. Her tribe should be there waiting when the going gets tough or better yet when the tribe doesn’t need anything in return!
Whether I’m talking about myself, my kids, my work… is it too much to ask for advice or support? It seems as though I’m always willing to help and care for others, I volunteer myself, skills and knowledge to no limits but never get the same in return. Why is that? Will I become something that others feel so threatened about or is it that they want to see me fail?
Yes, I’m well aware that people live’s change along with their interest. I got married, and I lost a few friends, I had kids lost a few more, started a business lost ALOT more… but did I change? How come I’ve never ignored another person or refused reached out to them in their time of need or hesitated to congratulate them in their time of success?
I sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there that actually think of me as part of their tribe if you are, then please reach out with your hands waving high so that I can see you 🙂
Kami
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Hi! I literally just found your blog through Pinterest and already feel like I know you so well! Your site is beautiful, and I can totally relate to this post. I started my blog several months ago and not only am I struggling to get traffic and followers to my site, but I’m struggling with finding a supportive tribe as well! I’m hoping to include you in mine, I would love to really get to know you and hopefully we can support each other in the future!
I can SO relate to this! I’m also an only child and related better to older people, and struggled to find the meaningful friends until I got older. Also…. 20 kids holy cow! God bless her!!!
Great post! I think finding a crew of your closest friends is just as hard as finding a good relationship lol. It’s hard to find people who are on the same page as you, and are ready for real friendship at the same time.
It’s so important to have “your tribe” and boy, once you find that bunch of peeps, it feels so amazing 🙂 I am so happy I have my friends and my blogging friends too <3 At the very end of 2016 I made a decision to let some people go (they were toxic, jealous & unsupportive) and I haven't felt more free in a while 🙂
xox Nadia
http://www.mielandmint.com
I totally feel like this too! I relate!
I can definitely relate to this! I have a hard time finding people to do life with!
Ugh I feel this. We just moved out of our born and raised state and I am totally friendless! And we don’t have family near or anything ugh. It’s so hard but I’m remaining hope it will be get better when I settle into school/internship haha!
Emmy Coletti
Um, can I say you’ve become a part of my blogging tribe? Is that weird? I feel like I struggle with my friends and even some of my family since having a baby. I get things get busier but I feel sometimes I am the only one of my mom friends who still actually wants to make an effort. Because it’s me contacting them, and setting up plans. And it gets wearing after awhile. So, you’re definitely not alone.
I can totally relate and you are not alone. Due to my husband’s job we have had to move about every 2 years since over the last 10 years. So anytime I seemed to finally find my groove and start to build my tribe, we move. So the hunt is on for my too, but stay encouraged we will eventually get there.
I am new at this blogging thing and the motherhood thing and I have intense lonely moments in each day – will I ever have a group of friends where I feel comfortable? As we get invovled in more (parenting, husbands, etc), “friends” seem to get farther away. Always on the hunt for my tribe!
This is definitely something I have struggled with the past 3 years. I had an amazing tribe for almost 10 years then our kids starting school, military postings happened, some of us became believers and we all started in a different direction in life. Though we keep in touch briefly from time to time, it is not the same it used to be. I long for a bond like that again, it’s not that I don’t have friends but I miss the ones you knew you could run to for everything.
Kami, you’re definitely not alone! Building a tribe is hard, especially in the blogging world. Even if you’re lucky enough to rub elbows with some of the big-timers, it’s so easy to feel like you’re on the outside looking in. Not quite unknown, but not big enough to sit at the popular kids lunch table, if you know what I mean. Keep up the good work, you’re writing is wonderful and I look forward to reading more.
Im pretty new around here but I know exactly how you feel. Not long after we moved, I fell sick and now for the most part am housebound. I can’t drive, I can’t drink and my meds make me sick all day. I have met a few moms at my boys school but if I want to hang out with my girls, someones got to come pick me up. So I have a very small tribe. And I have come to the conclusion recently that some use me more as a babysitter than anything else because they know I am home. So my tribe is getting smaller. This is why I love my online friends. Can I raise my hands now!?!
I can relate to this! I have a big family, but there are times I still feel well lonely. It’s not easy building a tribe especially with small kids at home. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers!
Definitely part of my tribe dear! (Jumping and waving lol) ♡♡♡
Waving my hands high here!!!! You’re part of my tribe and I keep my tribe small and compact. Sometimes the universe has a way of showing us how to weed out the negative from our lives so we can make space for new and positive people. You’re not alone in this.