Hi everyone, it’s a brand new week in 2017. I wanted to write about something I’ve truly been hesitant about for awhile now. Finding My Tribe i.e. a group of people that includes family and friends that have the same interest, customs, beliefs, and support. Bear with me here while I explain…
See as an only child, I grew up with a lot of insecurities. I spent a lot of quiet time playing by myself when I was little, I never had a problem finding friends but I had a problem finding the right friends… you know the ones that actually love and support you, the ones that have your best interest at heart, the ones that looked out for you and didn’t want to see you hurt. Yes, those are the friends I wanted. Same with family, I have an unusual amount of cousins on my mother’s side of the family… my grandmother had 20 children (yes, you read that right) so last time I checked I had over 108 cousins on my mother side of the family and on my dad’s side I have 9 first cousins. Why do I mention this? Because as far as family goes, I considered my family close (both sides) but something was always missing just like finding the right friends.
As I became an adult, I learned very quickly that I had more in common with older people… some of my closest friends were 10 years older than me, and we had so much to talk about regardless of the age gap. At the end of the day though sometimes when times were tough, I couldn’t call on any of those friends.
I don’t know what it is, was it me? Was I looking for something that was missing within me? Did I lack in something others wanted but they couldn’t see it in me?
Don’t get me started on the numerous times I felt left out or shut out on purpose! My soul pleaded with me that I didn’t need anyone, but in my head, I realized that this was how life is… grow up and get over it. The funny thing is those experiences never leave. I know the best thing to do sometimes is to forget and forgive, but it’s not in my nature. Every single instance of feeling like I wasn’t worthy enough, feeling dismissed and feeling like I don’t belong is still with me. I call it my dark place and I tend to visit it every time I experience hurt. I guess that’s why support and loyalty are big with me… I don’t expect it now, I’ve learned to demand it with the people in my life.
This isn’t a sad soapbox definition of my life, I am so much more than what you just read. I am funny, nurturing and tough… but see sometimes a girl has to know who and where to go for support. She shouldn’t have to go search for her tribe with a flashlight when she’s in darkness. Her tribe should be there waiting when the going gets tough or better yet when the tribe doesn’t need anything in return!
Whether I’m talking about myself, my kids, my work… is it too much to ask for advice or support? It seems as though I’m always willing to help and care for others, I volunteer myself, skills and knowledge to no limits but never get the same in return. Why is that? Will I become something that others feel so threatened about or is it that they want to see me fail?
Yes, I’m well aware that people live’s change along with their interest. I got married, and I lost a few friends, I had kids lost a few more, started a business lost ALOT more… but did I change? How come I’ve never ignored another person or refused reached out to them in their time of need or hesitated to congratulate them in their time of success?
I sometimes wonder if there is anyone out there that actually think of me as part of their tribe if you are, then please reach out with your hands waving high so that I can see you 🙂