Motherhood Unfiltered with Chastity

ABOUT CHASTITY

Hey y’all I’m Chastity. I’m a momma to three girls and a wife to a US Navy sailor. We move around often, so my hobbies change occasionally. I’m really great at changing plans and moving on short notice. But I enjoy reading a good mystery novel and spending time at the beach. I am a lifestyle blogger and freelance writer. I love to lift weights and eat fried foods (life is all about balance, right?) You can find me most days somewhere in the sun, with my girls splashing in the water, daydreaming about having a mojito.

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MOTHERHOOD UNFILTERED

Q. How did becoming a mother changed you?

Chastity Becoming a mother changed so much about me. Before having my daughters, I was a wild child. I wouldn’t say I was your typical sorority girl in college, but I was pretty close. I spent most every weekend partying with my friends either at the river, a beer pong tournament, toga parties or downtown at one of the local bars. I was also kind of a bitch. I didn’t care about anyone but myself. If it wasn’t in my best interest or didn’t sound like fun, then I didn’t care about it. But becoming a mom meant putting someone before myself and caring more than I ever thought possible. I had to calm down and take care of myself during pregnancy. I started learning to enjoy the quiet times and relaxing. I’m someone who is always on the go so being put on bed rest during my first pregnancy showed me that I needed to change for my baby.

Q. Are you a conventional or unconventional mother?

Chastity I would say I’ve been on different sides of motherhood, but I don’t know whether I’m conventional or not. When I had my first child, I was a working mom. I cried my first day back at work and spent every day after that just wishing I could be home with her. Once my second child came along, I dropped my full-time job down to part time and went back to college. At that time, I did the work and school gig until I finished college and then worked two part time jobs. And now with my third child, I’m in between being a stay at home mom and work at home mom. I’m not sure where any of that falls on the conventional scale because in each stage of mothering I was judged for not being in the other stage. Example: Working full time you hear, “oh, so daycare is raising your kids.” Working and going to school people always ask you, “Do you even get to spend time with your kids or is it all about you?” And of course, my favorite is when you’re a stay at home mom, “Yea you have it easy because you don’t work and your house is always clean because you’re home.” So, no matter what I do I’m unconventional to someone.

Q. What is the hardest part of being a mother based on your experience?

Chastity Based on my experience there are a few things hard about being a momma. The first thing that I feel like is difficult for most moms is finding balance in life. Whether it be the balance between your family and your job or balance between being a mom and being yourself. Most times work overwhelms our time and even overflows into our home life so finding the perfect balance is difficult. Finding the balance between being a mom and being the dreamer who wants to have her writing career is hard for me. Finding the time to be both is nearly impossible. You can’t just sit down and write this beautiful piece for your blog while a kid is shoving a wipes box in your face screaming, “Messy! WIPE! WIPE! WIPE!” (that may or may not be happening right now.) And once they are in bed you’re too tired and just want to eat a bowl of ice cream in peace before passing out in your clothes on the couch (which may be what I do at night but I’ll never confirm that.)

Q. Is motherhood different than you had imagined? Is your reality better than what you imagined?

Chastity I think certain aspects of motherhood are harder than I imagined while some things I thought would be a huge deal really aren’t. When I was pregnant, I was so worried about feeding my children all the right things and making sure I was going to read to them enough. Those things came to me pretty easily, and I probably shouldn’t have worried so much. But I never expected to be judged by strangers for everything I do. It makes parenting harder than I thought. Everyone is in your business in public, on social media and then the silent judgers are bad too. Most people now have an opinion on how you parent unlike back in my parent’s day where people were just happy if your kids were alive and fed. The new pressure on moms is increasing every year, and I think that’s what makes parenting harder than it needs to be.

Q. Who is your mom role model?

Chastity I wouldn’t say I have a mom role model, but I do have a lot of moms I admire for different reasons. I admire my mom for raising all of us kids on her own as a single mother. I admire my Mamaw not only for her parenting but for how involved she is with her grandkids and great grandkids lives. And I admire my other mom, Nancy, for stepping into the mom role not only for her husband’s daughters but a lot of us other girls. They each have strong attributes that I admire.

Q. What do you do for ‘me time’? Or share something you do to recharge?

Chastity Me time? What is that and where can I buy it!? Honestly, I’m pretty simple and enjoy reading or writing for my me time. Occasionally, I can sneak off kid free to the beach to read my book for a few hours, and I feel so recharged afterward. Just a little bit of quiet goes a long way for me when I’m used to three little girls running around squealing and giggling.

Q. Share a family tradition you do with your kids.

Chastity One of my favorite family traditions we do is our Christmas box on Christmas Eve. We are a family who does Elf on the Shelf ours is named Hoosier. He leaves on Christmas Eve morning and leaves the girls a box under the tree from him. The box has Christmas pajamas and a book inside. After bath time, they put on their new themed pajamas, take a picture in front of the tree, and then we snuggle up to read the book. My girls love being read to so it is the perfect tradition to end the night.

Q. What is the biggest mistake you’ve made as a mother?

Chastity I’m sure I’ve made A LOT of mistakes as a mother so far. But I wouldn’t say I’ve made any life changing huge ones, yet. My children are still little so there is still time.

Q. What is the one thing you wish you could do differently as a mother?

Chastity I think my one thing I’d like to do different, kind of lumps in with what I feel like my mistake is as a mother. I tend to have a short fuse. I try to be more patient, and I’ve improved in that area, but I could improve more. I need to work on being more patient and not losing my cool. I tend to yell when I’m fed up. I try hard to count or breathe but three kids crying at the same time for three different things can certainly get my blood pressure up quickly.

Q. As a mother, what is the one thing you feel you miss out on the most?

Chastity We are a military family, so our lifestyle is a bit different. I feel like I miss out on me-time, date nights and family time just because of my husband’s career choice. Being a mom, I miss out on girl’s night out because I have children but add in my husband not being around to keep them occasionally really narrows down the window of going out alone. I guess I miss time to myself the most.

Q. What is one thing you wish to teach your children?

Chastity I want to teach my daughters to be brave and be bold. They aren’t less than anyone for any reason, and other’s opinions of them don’t matter. I want them to be brave enough to be unapologetically themselves always. Strangers always say, “oh all girls. Poor daddy, he has no boys to love” or “all girls! Drama drama drama!” I don’t want comments like these to define who my girls will become.

Q. What is the biggest fear as a mother?

Chastity My biggest fears as a mom has a lot to do with our lifestyle. I am always worried that moving so often will affect who my children become. I worry that they may not have a strong sense of self because they don’t have ties to any specific place. There will never be a place they call home, and I worry that will leave them with a void. I worry about them being the new kid at school and never getting to participate in the after school activities they want because each area of the country offers different things. I worry about taking them away from all their friends. I worry they will regret our lifestyle.

Q. What word would your kid (s) use to describe you? and why?

Chastity I’m not sure. I think the one thing they say about me besides that I’m mean is that I’m funny. I don’t think I’m funny, but they love the bad knock knock jokes I tell them. They even love my goofy dance moves to Disney soundtracks while we dance in the kitchen.

Q. What is one piece of advice you would give a new or expectant mother?

Chastity Trust your gut and do your research! Just because your mom, mother in law, friend, cousin and occasionally your doctor suggests something doesn’t mean it is right for you and your family. I had my daughter’s pediatrician told me to give her whole milk at six months old because my breast milk would dry up by the time she was nine months old. Yes, she was an actual doctor and very behind the times. I’ve had plenty of friends (with and without children) give me advice they read on a Facebook article, but thankfully I trust my gut and do my research.

Q. What do you wish your kid (s) knew about you?

Chastity I wish my children knew my dreams and struggles. I wish they were old enough to talk to about these things. I want them to see that even though I struggle with anxiety and ADHD that I get up every day and make the most of it. I fight hard to make most days normal and fun for them even though sometimes it’s a struggle against my anxiety. I want them to see me following my dreams through everything that’s saying not to. I dream of being a successful entrepreneur with my writing even though we move every three years, having three children under the age of 5, fighting back against mental health issues and finding time to do it all. I want them to know it’s all for them and one day they will do it all for their kiddos too.
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