Hello 2018! It is currently the 24th day of January as I write my first post for the year. After a busy Christmas and a spectacular NYE with family and friends, I was so excited for the promise of the new year and all that it would bring to me, my health, my career, and my family. It was off to a rough start before I was even able to set my new year goals.
I had pneumonia, the husband was sick, all 3 kids were sick, my middle daughter had several appointments before an ER visit to check her appendix. Let me tell you the first three weeks of this year has already taken a toll on me. Physically I pray for bedtime, (not the kid’s bedtime, MINE). Mentally, my brain feels like scrambled eggs most days, and emotionally I need a big hug.
I started to feel very discouraged about how I was going to get out of my funk. Am I being the best mom or wife or daughter? How can I be a digital influencer when I’m supposed to get creative and publish informative pretty things? And if I don’t, how will I pull my weight and do my part in our home as a work at home mom? It’s ok to stop and catch your breath but with every passing day, I felt like everyone around me deserved better. Work was piling up, household chores were piling up, and I was operating like a robot struggling to meet deadlines and schedules. I felt so guilty that I wasn’t on top of my game.
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Overcoming Guilt
Here’s the thing with guilt, it will suck you up and drag you down a deep dark place that overshadows anything positive in your life. As a mom, you probably get pangs of guilt at least once a day everyday right? What do you do? It’s part of what makes us human, how we deal with this shit is up to us. It can paralyze us into thinking very negative thoughts. How do we overcome guilt? Honestly, I don’t know the answer, I’m still trying to figure it out, I want someone to tell me I’m not alone or this will pass. I also have a responsibility to myself to look myself in the mirror and say you’re doing the best you can and take it one day at a time.
Lifestyle
I’m 36 years old, there are things I thought I would have accomplished already and with every new year I look at my calendar and declare this will be the year but then ‘life’ gets in the way, the day to day business of busy schedules. I’m definitely not where I thought I would be when I was in my 20s. My need is for independence and to be living a healthy balanced lifestyle, I want my body to be healthy, as well as my family’s. I want to be able to think clearly and efficiently and not feel tired all of the time. I want to enjoy living.
Motherhood
This literally is a mother-load. Before kids, I thought that I had this figured out because all the books and articles told me what to do but it ain’t so… I even thought after my second AND third children that experience will count for something. Can I just say there isn’t a freaking manual for parenting, each kid brought with them a whole new level of love and joy but equal amounts of challenges and struggles. Parenting 3 kids is another level of craziness. I don’t know if I’m screwing them up for life or doing good by them. Should I be doing more or less? I honestly don’t know, but when something goes wrong I’m the one holding all the guilt and this one is hard to overcome. It will keep you up at night and no matter how much I show up for my kids, I always feel like I should be doing more.
Blogging
Here’s the thing about blogging, if you see a mom with a blog chances are she’s trying to earn a living or contribute somehow to her family’s finances. It’s work and nobody spends 30+ hours a week researching, taking photos, editing photos, creating/testing, writing up posts, and promoting posts for a hobby! Not any mothers I know. I don’t get a 9-5 or a lunch hour. I get a when I wake up to when I finish my deadline or I’m too tired to think so I will go to bed. Now I don’t want to sound like I don’t appreciate my schedule or the fact that I can work from home while raising my kids, however; I can’t make a work call with a screaming toddler can I? I also eat most of my meals standing up in less than 10 minutes and I go to the bathroom with the door open and usually with a tiny person telling me to make sure I wipe my butt clean. Get the drift yet? Yes, this is what blogging looks like, and I don’t do it for the glam and the freebies. It is for money and contribution towards my family just like my husband’s 9-5 job. So when I talk about my blogging it is just as important.
2018
It may be the 24th day of the first month of the year and I am well aware of how late I am posting about my 2018 goals and affirmations. I am not one to highlight a word of the year or to predict what the future holds but I have personal and professional goals I want to reach. I want to believe that overcoming some of my guilt is up there on that list. It may be something I never accomplish and I’m truly sorry that this isn’t a “how to overcome your guilt” post. The best I can offer is the same advice I give myself and that is to take it one moment at a time, and tomorrow is a new day!
How do you overcome guilt? Leave me your thoughts on this post in the comments below.
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Alica says
January 25, 2018 at 1:02 PMI think we all feel this guilt as parents, and for various reasons. You are not alone <3. I can barely juggle two kids so I can only imagine three kids who all have different needs. You're doing the best you can do! Hopefully they'll find this blog post one day and see how you felt and how much you care and love them! I think it's wonderful that you've written this publicly. It may help another mom who may be feeling isolated. I applaud your courage!
Kami says
January 25, 2018 at 1:25 PMThank you Alica. It means a lot to me if any of what I said above resonates with another mom. My hope is that every day my kids know that I’ve tried.
Sangeeta says
January 25, 2018 at 1:08 AMI start by thinking about how much I do for everyone else. I look at all the things I would like to do, but don’t get to because there are a gazillion other things I have to get done for someone else that is waiting on me to do it.
Then I look at myself and for the most part, I am happy about who I am, the values I have and it’s because of how I was raised. Then I try to apply those same values into my children and household.
I am able to do a lot more for my kids than my parents ever had time to do for me. They weren’t at my games, they rarely made it to conferences, and honestly couldn’t help with homework.
One of the most important things to me is not having entitled children and I think trying to give them everything (not material things) sets them up for disappointment during the times we can’t be there. We spread ourselves so thing trying to give them all of ourselves and there’s nothing left….for ourselves and we feel guilty on top of that.
There has to be balance, they need to aware of everything that needs to get done, and how we have to do them. I know they might not care now, but by sharing, I think it eventually clicks and leads to more appreciation and then less guilt. Sorry for the long comment 🙂
Kami says
January 25, 2018 at 1:14 AMSangeeta, I love and appreciate your comment more than you know. (It’s not long, it’s welcomed) This reminded me of my parents and so true about what they ‘gave’ me when I was a child. My worst fear is that my children will grow up to be entitled because both Mike and I work hard at giving them experiences not things. I hope and pray like you said that one day it clicks and they know how much I cared.